ALONE
Although I had been in church all of my life and had been taught out of the Bible, I was not saved and did not know anything about being a wife. As I look back, I now know that I made many mistakes in my relationship with my husband.
I am 50 years old and have essentially been alone for 21 years. I never thought this would be my life. At no time did it cross my mind that my husband would ever leave me. Although I had been in church all of my life and been taught out of the Bible, I was not saved and did not know anything about being a wife. As I look back, I now know that I made many mistakes in my relationship with my husband.
Today, I see and hear young wives, and older wives as well, thoughtlessly making those very same mistakes with their husbands. They take for granted that he would never leave and file for divorce. After all, aren’t they both in the church and share that lifetime commitment? This sense of security seems to give them the feeling that they have the liberty to take a spiritually superior, adversarial stand, in myriad ways, against the wrongs, failures, and inadequacies of their husbands. I see it as either ignorance or a refusal to obey God’s injunction to wives, or a combination of both. This is why I write my story—lest you follow me down the same path.
I cannot answer for my husband’s failures. Who was most to blame doesn’t matter now. If I had known then what I do now about God’s commands to wives, what a man needs, and what I could do to fill those needs, it may have made all the difference. Older women have failed to teach younger women how to love their husbands.
An important point I want you to know is that much of the time, these things I did or failed to do were not everyday, not always overt, in-your-face actions. They were subtle, ebbed and flowed, but were there nevertheless, just enough to be a constant reminder to him that his wife wasn’t entirely pleased with him.
When my husband acted selfishly at home, allowed his temper to flare, and then went to church and acted spiritual, I gently withdrew from him emotionally, letting him see my cynicism and lack of confidence. I wish I had prayed positively for him, trusting God, openly showed love and acceptance of him for himself, not waited until he acted right.
When he failed our child, failed to have devotions, failed to be spiritual, failed to lead like he should, I was ‘privately’ disappointed, but he knew it. I wish I had completely trusted God and maintained unity, honor, reverence, and submission with a glad and trusting heart. When he made a statement about someone or something, I often countered, putting his opinion down, letting him know he was wrong.
