Carnal Husbands, Cranky Wives, and Cantankerous Kids
In our child training seminars there is always a time for questions and answers. It is during these times that we gain a grasp of your needs.
As parents begin sharing their different experiences, I am amazed at the similarities. The testimonies go something like this: “We are a family of more than average discipline. We home school, are active in church, and have family devotions. We have trained and discipline the children from their youth, and I thought we were having good results until they got in their early teens.”
Continuing, they tell us of the different ways their children have manifested their disrespect and dishonor. How can this happen? How can a parent do everything right and still suffer rebellion in their teenagers? Does that verse mean, Train up a Child in the way he should go and when he is a teen he will be disrespectful, but when he is old will come back?
Over the years, as I have listened to these mothers tell of their similar experiences, the source of their problem has become clear to me. If they could be objective for just a moment, they too would be able to see the solution. To get to the root, I ask these mothers, “Does your husband do anything on a regular basis that you feel might be detrimental to the family?” Invariably they answer something like this: “YES, and I always knew it would weaken the family, and now this proves it.” Then I ask, “How do you react? Do you meet eyes with the children and silently communicate your disappointment? Are they in any way aware of your martyrdom as you willing “die to yourself” in resignation to your husband’s clumsy spirituality? Do you in any way indicate that you are praying he will assume his role as spiritual leader?”
When I ask such questions the atmosphere of the room suddenly changes. The “strong spiritual women” look as if they lost their unction. How do they feel? Probably the same way they make their husbands feel—like a second class Christian.
Over the years I have heard many women speak in front of their husbands about how they are praying God will have His way in their families. Or they will brag about what a wonderful sermon that was and how they want that in their home. As I stand there listening, I am embarrassingly aware that their husbands are being reduced to carnal nincompoops.
The man can’t complain that his wife doesn’t obey him, because she does. He can’t say she speaks evil toward him, because she doesn’t. He can’t fault her in anyway. But he is often angry; he feels he is not respected and honored; he feels the fool. And somehow for all her years of faithful prayer, he never becomes a mighty man of God. In front of the children, she patronizes him. She doesn’t know it, and he can’t explain it, but the kids grow up feeling it all the same. It reaps anger, frustration, belligerence, irritation in the dad, dislike among siblings, and, in teens, disrespect for their mother. The Scripture tells us “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
