It is still a wonder! Absolutely amazing! Almost unbelievable! I first wrote about it in my book To Train Up A Child, which has now sold over 650,000 copies in English and many tens of thousands in foreign languages, but I am still amazed at the beauty and effectiveness of spanking as part of a program of effective child training. What a joy to possess the ability to instantly gain compliance and instill discipline in our children. However, the most mysterious, almost miraculous, fruit of the properly applied spanking is its ability to heal the child’s soul and create a sweetness of spirit.
It is understandable that adults who have dark memories of being “whipped” without love and “beaten” without mercy for trying the patience of their parents will not believe it is possible to spank in love and achieve sweet fruit. Likewise, parents who “don’t believe in corporal punishment” (neither do I) but often become frustrated and angry, pushed to the brink of “striking” their children, are horrified at their own out-of-control feelings. They know that if they were to yield to their anger and use their hand or an instrument to strike their children, it would be an act of violence and abuse. They are absolutely correct in their personal assessment, given their emotional state. And herein is the cause of so much misunderstanding and anti-spanking sentiment.
It is one thing to know yourself and to know that you are provoked to a spirit of abuse and so respond by choosing not to spank your child, which is the right decision for you. But it is another matter altogether to project your out-of-control anger on all parents, assuming that everyone is like you, teetering on abuse. I wish you could spend just one day with a well- balanced, emotionally mature family with eight children, all under 12 years of age, which practices Biblical child training. You may consider yourself “anti-spanking”, but you would go away weeping for your loss, longing for such beauty and joy in your own family. You would say, “What a fool I have been.”
Do you think my claim too fantastic to believe? I can give you our own family’s testimony. Would it help if I shared the testimony of a million of our readers who experience the same joy and peace in their families? What if my children, now grown, with children of their own, were to testify as to the fruit of their upbringing, as they have in writing? Add to that the testimony of two million young adults who were trained up in the way they should go by loving parents who did not spare the rod and did not spoil the child’s creativity, confidence, joy, stability, independence, or love and loyalty to the family? Can you believe that there may be a world bigger than your own, one where anger does not rule and peace and love is the order of the day?
I know the argument, “But what about all those hypocritical religious bigots that use the Bible as an excuse to beat their children and intimidate them into compliance, leaving them emotionally scarred and prone to pass on the abuse?” I agree that this is a big problem for a few. The argument continues, “So shouldn’t we outlaw all spanking so as to prevent abuse?” Further, Christian ministers who promote the Biblical principles of corporal chastisement are blamed for the misuse of it.
Think rationally for a moment. If all ministers right now were to begin teaching against all forms of corporal chastisement or punishment and all states and governments of the world were to pass laws against it, would parental abuse cease? Is the tendency for some parents to abuse their children found in misapplying principles they have been taught, or in human anger and aggression? Everybody in the Western world teaches against a man hitting his wife, but it doesn’t stop wife beaters. Only in the Muslim world does wife beating begin as a doctrine. The Christian world has condemned it for 2,000 years, but it still occurs at about the same rate as beating children. No godly Christian man beats his children. No emotionally stable atheist beats his children. Child abuse does not begin as a doctrine or principle of training; it begins in the heart of an out-of-control human being—a fault of the human condition since Adam chose to live without God.
If one searches the internet or watches the news closely for an entire year, one can find a half dozen examples of a man or woman justifying their abusiveness on grounds of Biblical principles. Likewise, Americans who commit hate crimes or acts of terrorism, like the Oklahoma City bombing, will justify their murder on grounds of patriotism. We who are truly patriotic are not fooled by their excuse, nor does it deter us from our more enlightened patriotism. Why then would we, who love our children and have found Biblical chastisement a sound child training tool, be deterred by the rare examples of those twisted souls who are abusive by nature?
Since I can’t arrange for my sincere critics (I’m being charitable) to spend a day “embedded” with a happy family of ten who practices corporal chastisement, I will give you a recent example that occurred within my circle of friends, a grandmother’s experience with her three-year-old granddaughter. Apparently the parents had been slipping in their training, for their little one had become self-willed and expressed an attitude of resistance to authority. Even when everything was going her way and no one was trying to tell her what to do, she looked unhappy and was quick to take offense at the other children. But the grandmother said the most disturbing thing was that she pulled away from overtures at fellowship. “Unhappy and moody” was the grandmother’s summary of the child with whom she would spend the day.
It had been many years since the grandmother had trained her own children, and she was out of practice. She described herself as “having grown soft.” But after her children were grown, she had read To Train Up A Child and realized it was exactly the way she had trained her children.
It is a fact that grandparents who do not spend hours every day with their grandchildren tend to be soft on the discipline. But then, it is not their responsibility, and they want what little time they have with the kids to be positive. That’s what makes grandparents spoilers.
After a couple hours of futilely trying to cheer up the child, grandmother began to remember the “miracle” of the rod. So she made up her mind to do what she did not feel like doing—obey God and love the child with a spanking. She tells how she calmly explained to her granddaughter how she had a bad attitude and then took a wooden spoon from the kitchen, slowly applying it to her backside. The licks were not hard and not hasty. At first the little girl kicked and screamed in protest, but old grandmother was too wise to be intimidated. As she spanked she explained to the little one that this is how she had trained her mother to be sweet and cheerful, and that she would grow up to be smart and obedient. She kept up the slow spanking and the admonition until the anger and resistance melted and turned into a beautiful spirit of surrender.
I understand that if you have never seen this, you have no idea what I am talking about. It doesn’t seem reasonable that any kind of a spanking would produce peace and love in a child, but it is the miracle of corporal chastisement properly administered.
The little one rose from the altar of chastisement and hugged her grandmother for the first time that day. She smiled sweetly and for the rest of the day was entirely cooperative and compliant. Where she had been unhappy and griping, she was now as cheerful as a puppy. She stopped whining and complaining about the other kids. Grandmother said that the child’s whole world went from cloudy and stormy to sunshine and flowers.
Grandma went on to express her rediscovered wonder at the power of Biblical chastisement, for after two weeks granddaughter still maintained a close bond with her grandmother, always cheerful and ready to give a big hug.
I wrote the book on it, so to speak, but it has been well over fifteen years since I applied the rod to a stubborn backside. I think that if I started another family (don’t even think about it) I would have to go back and read my books and listen to my videos to put this old softy back in the position of acting responsibly toward the little ones. I commend this grandmother for having the—whatever it is old grandmothers have—to lay down her sentiment and bring peace to a little child.
Finally, to our critics, why must you persist in stereotyping Christians who continue to practice the Biblical principles passed down to us from our fathers and their fathers back to the beginning of humanity? Our fruit far surpasses anything you can imagine. It is the sanity and emotional balance of our children that is the hope of tomorrow. Our children never need Ritalin. We don’t need Prozac. Our families grow up to make significant contributions to society. They are never drug addicts and they don’t need to take welfare, for our well-disciplined children are the ones who will start businesses and contribute to charities.
We are not timid of your criticism, and we will not hide in the dark. We proudly proclaim that we are the parents of the best kids in the whole world, thanks to sound child training principles we gleaned from the Bible and reason. When you attack our cake, we just bake another layer and display it all the more proudly.
I pray that you will be reasonable and join the “good guys,” for we will not bend, bow, or burn.
If you are new to these concepts and want to investigate further, purchase our books To Train Up a Child and In Defense of Biblical Chastisement or read hundreds of articles on these subjects.
—Michael Pearl and an unnamed granny
You must be logged in to post a comment.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
© 1995–2024. No Greater Joy Ministries (NGJ) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit ministry of Michael and Debi Pearl.
NGJ is a Member of the Independent Book Publishers Association.
Your books have been a life saver for this mama!! God Bless you for always having the courage to speak the truth ~ Gods truth!!
Your books have been a life saver for this mama!! God Bless you for always having the courage to speak the truth ~ Gods truth!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have read, reread and reread your child training books. Prayerfully applying your principles has made our home a refuge and our children (ages 3 and 20 months) a joy. My husband comes home from work to us as soon as he can every evening because the children are the highlight of his day. When we go out to our regular places for grocery shopping the clerks are tickled to see the children and comment on how happy they always are and how well behaved! Again, thank you because this is not my doing, but Christ blessing me through your wisdom!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have read, reread and reread your child training books. Prayerfully applying your principles has made our home a refuge and our children (ages 3 and 20 months) a joy. My husband comes home from work to us as soon as he can every evening because the children are the highlight of his day. When we go out to our regular places for grocery shopping the clerks are tickled to see the children and comment on how happy they always are and how well behaved! Again, thank you because this is not my doing, but Christ blessing me through your wisdom!
It's really a miracle. When my husband and I were newlyweds, we picked up an abandoned boy, who was sitting inside a box on the street, crying, for his family of beggars had left him behind. We took him home for a few weeks, as our "first-born". When he was already feeling more confident, one afternoon, when we weren't home, he brought some of his "street friends" in to listen to music, contrary to our command. So, my husband sat down with him, Bible opened, explained that what he had done was terribly wrong, and that he was going to be spanked for that. He was a 12-year-old boy already, but it wasn't too late! The next morning, at the breakfast table, he opened up a big smile and said, "I feel sooo happy today..." Today, 20 years later, he is happily married and is a pastor! It really is a miracle!
It's really a miracle. When my husband and I were newlyweds, we picked up an abandoned boy, who was sitting inside a box on the street, crying, for his family of beggars had left him behind. We took him home for a few weeks, as our "first-born". When he was already feeling more confident, one afternoon, when we weren't home, he brought some of his "street friends" in to listen to music, contrary to our command. So, my husband sat down with him, Bible opened, explained that what he had done was terribly wrong, and that he was going to be spanked for that. He was a 12-year-old boy already, but it wasn't too late! The next morning, at the breakfast table, he opened up a big smile and said, "I feel sooo happy today..." Today, 20 years later, he is happily married and is a pastor! It really is a miracle!
I'm just wondering what to do when your shild acts up in public. We do spank at home, but as we are unsure about the laws on spanking, we don't dare to try it in public. Any advice?
I'm just wondering what to do when your shild acts up in public. We do spank at home, but as we are unsure about the laws on spanking, we don't dare to try it in public. Any advice?
Dear Tina,
Most states still permit spanking in the public schools (usually with parent notification). That being said, children should receive consequences at home for the poor behavior in school.
Training and discipline should occur at home so that it is not necessary in public places.
Sincerely,
Chuck Joyner
No Greater Joy Ministries
Dear Tina,
Most states still permit spanking in the public schools (usually with parent notification). That being said, children should receive consequences at home for the poor behavior in school.
Training and discipline should occur at home so that it is not necessary in public places.
Sincerely,
Chuck Joyner
No Greater Joy Ministries
Thank God for the Pearls and their sound advice on child training!..Their advice has been an answer to my prayers, where our children(ages 17,14,5, and 4)are concerned. And, I have on occasion been quesitoned by others as to why we use Biblical chastisement on our children. I don't care what the world's view of child rearing is, I am determined to raise my children God's way!..Thanks again Pearl family for your invaluable wisdom and may God continue to bless and keep you...
Thank God for the Pearls and their sound advice on child training!..Their advice has been an answer to my prayers, where our children(ages 17,14,5, and 4)are concerned. And, I have on occasion been quesitoned by others as to why we use Biblical chastisement on our children. I don't care what the world's view of child rearing is, I am determined to raise my children God's way!..Thanks again Pearl family for your invaluable wisdom and may God continue to bless and keep you...
Could you write to us privately and tell us how this looks Please. I am not familiar with this and woud like more details.
Our children are a joy to us and we get complimented where ever we go on how happy and well behaved they are. But after reading this article I can't help feeling we missed something somewhere.
Stan
Could you write to us privately and tell us how this looks Please. I am not familiar with this and woud like more details.
Our children are a joy to us and we get complimented where ever we go on how happy and well behaved they are. But after reading this article I can't help feeling we missed something somewhere.
Stan
The thing i dont like about this article is it states that if i dont hit my children they will become ritalin addicted and out of control.I find this disturbing because i dont spank and my children are well behaved and are not takeing any meds .My children listen because its the right thing to do , not because i inflict pain.I believe in talking not hitting.
The thing i dont like about this article is it states that if i dont hit my children they will become ritalin addicted and out of control.I find this disturbing because i dont spank and my children are well behaved and are not takeing any meds .My children listen because its the right thing to do , not because i inflict pain.I believe in talking not hitting.
Martina- Never did the article say that if you dont spank your child will be a druggy. It simply stated those who are disciplined well are not druggies. You wont see a druggie on the streets whose parents did a great job raising them. Thats not to say every single child who isnt disciplined the right way will end up on drugs, or have to be on Ritalin.
By only talking to your children you are not teaching them the ways of the real world. You are making them unprepared for real life. When you break a law in the real world you pay a fine or go to jail. When you dont follow signs and rules you get hurt, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, or financially. All kids will disobey, no one is perfect. Even a child who is spanked will do things wrong. When your child disobeys and their consequence is getting talked to, thats teaching them that not following rules is not that big of a deal. When they are adults and have real consequences they are going to be ill equipped to handle it, which is unhealthy. Maybe you do timeout. The American Academy of Pediactrics has even stated that timeout for a child under 5 is not as effective as spanking. Time outs are more annoying to kids than they are punishing. They are inconvenienced, but not changed in their heart.
Most of all the bible says to spank our children. So we either can do what we think is right, or we can listen and obey God. Not to be rude, but since you are not spanking your children you are not being obedient to God. Maybe you would be able to be more obedient to God if you were spanked as a child.
My child is spanked and I can know with confidence because of this I am honoring God, and doing things his way. I trust that God knows better, and that He will honor my obedience to Him. Because I am giving my kids real painful consequences now, it will save them from having painful consequences later. If all that happened we broke the law is we got talked to about it, we would live in a much more corrupt world today.
Martina- Never did the article say that if you dont spank your child will be a druggy. It simply stated those who are disciplined well are not druggies. You wont see a druggie on the streets whose parents did a great job raising them. Thats not to say every single child who isnt disciplined the right way will end up on drugs, or have to be on Ritalin.
By only talking to your children you are not teaching them the ways of the real world. You are making them unprepared for real life. When you break a law in the real world you pay a fine or go to jail. When you dont follow signs and rules you get hurt, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, or financially. All kids will disobey, no one is perfect. Even a child who is spanked will do things wrong. When your child disobeys and their consequence is getting talked to, thats teaching them that not following rules is not that big of a deal. When they are adults and have real consequences they are going to be ill equipped to handle it, which is unhealthy. Maybe you do timeout. The American Academy of Pediactrics has even stated that timeout for a child under 5 is not as effective as spanking. Time outs are more annoying to kids than they are punishing. They are inconvenienced, but not changed in their heart.
Most of all the bible says to spank our children. So we either can do what we think is right, or we can listen and obey God. Not to be rude, but since you are not spanking your children you are not being obedient to God. Maybe you would be able to be more obedient to God if you were spanked as a child.
My child is spanked and I can know with confidence because of this I am honoring God, and doing things his way. I trust that God knows better, and that He will honor my obedience to Him. Because I am giving my kids real painful consequences now, it will save them from having painful consequences later. If all that happened we broke the law is we got talked to about it, we would live in a much more corrupt world today.