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Our granddaughter, Gracie, is what many people call “a handful.” Her eyes are alive with investigation, always searching for opportunities to change her environment.
She discovered her autonomy early, and now at sixteen months old, she is full of preferences. Yet Shalom her mother, has her firmly in hand. Gracie will stop on a dime, come when called, lay it down, and not touch it, all with enviable consistency. “How do you do it?” I asked Shalom.
She told me things I knew, some I had forgotten, but put together in such a way that it was fresh and original, with all the fat trimmed away. I was hearing her ideas, her wisdom. I was WOWED! There is nothing like coming fresh from the battle to have a clear perspective, free from academics. She spoke of commands, and switches, and consistency, but most of all she spoke of participation. Gracie participates in her mother’s life. She is never pushed aside. When Mama is working, Gracie has her little broom or dishrag and is right there doing her share. Gracie is needed, and she knows it, because she is included in the daily operation of life. She is not waiting to join the human race; she is walking the road of social responsibility right now at sixteen months of age! Gracie depends on the fellowship of life for her pleasure, not on the toy box off in another room. She is addicted to the communion of family and friends. She has a will to abide in their light.
Like any human being, Gracie is possessed of selfish flesh. She is a potential devil-in-waiting, but her parents will not tolerate a single act of disobedience. When she shows a propensity to break with fellowship and act selfishly, she is rebuked and, if necessary, spanked immediately. She knows that she is not the final authority—that all her decisions are subject to her parents’ will. As she walks with her parents in the fellowship of life, she must follow the rules like everyone else. She expects this. It is the price to pay for walking in the light.
You know instantly when this fellowship of life is missing in children. Rather than possessing a will to cooperate, they develop and display a will to defy. We see those children assume the most obstinate position they can find and then dig in against an assault. Children who never find pleasure in participation, seek pleasure in confrontation. It is a way for them to stay at the center of things and feel alive. You cannot spank that child into a state of grace. They view all discipline as confirmation of the state of war that exists between them and everyone else. The child walking in darkness may “obey” some of the time, but only to gain a little respite from the toil of war.
Some children use different weapons. Some may express their rebellion in passive ways, while others communicate that they are hurt or misunderstood.
