Sitting Down Inside
Several times I have been asked by parents how they can make a child sit in a car seat when he or she refuses to do so.
Understand, our goal is not just to MAKE them sit in the car seat. Our goal is to TRAIN them to cheerfully comply. The parent is obviously big enough to force the child to sit in the car seat. But like one older kid said on a different occasion, “I may be sitting down outside, but I am still standing up inside.” Our desire is not just to win the contest. We want to train them to sit down inside. As we look at this, we are not just discussing car seats; we are uncovering a principle which translates into all areas of child training.
When a child is only occasionally rebellious, even in a single area, you can be sure that you have a rebellious child. Don’t be deceived by the fact that they are mostly obedient. There are many areas wherein a child finds it convenient to obey. Out of pure selfishness a child may decide to give up his own will, possibly to avoid the hassle that is sure to follow. But when an issue comes along that is meaningful to him, he may then manifest his rebellion. A child who obeys 9 times out of 10 is not just 10% rebellious. He is a 100% rebel who expresses his rebellion 10% of the time. Rebellion itself is a state of mind, not an event. It is a condition of heart, not a condition of circumstance. If a child loses his temper it is because he had one to lose. When children burst into anger they are just dumping the load they regularly carry. We want to treat the cause not the symptom. A switch may treat the immediate symptom, but unless it is combined with effective training, it will not treat the source problem—the child’s heart.
Our desire as parents is to build character in our children. The power-play by itself is insufficient. We can not forcibly invade the command and control room of their hearts. It is their sacred ground. No one, not even God, can get into the recesses of another person’s soul, unless invited in. A parent may be spanking or intimidating a child into outward compliance while on the inside the child’s rebellion is actually growing.
A mother told her story: “Suzy has taken a notion that she doesn’t want to ride in the car seat. Every time I tell her to get in she refuses. I have spanked her, and she stubbornly stands there unyielding. I tell her that we are not going unless she gets in, and she still refuses. I called my husband out and he spanked her three times, but still she stubbornly refused to get in the seat. If we forcibly put her in the seat, she bucks and screams in defiance. I just don’t know what else to do.
