Twinkie Twerp
My wife was standing in a yard talking to the young mother of a seven-year-old boy and two girls. The girls are fairly obedient and even tempered. But the boy...
...well, they were interrupted by him coming from the house with a Hostess Twinkie. He said, “Mama, can I have this?”
She said, “No, there is not enough for the other children (neighbor children with whom he was playing).”
He looked shocked and offended, then anger curled his lip and hardened his brow. He began to protest and beg, frantically tearing at the wrapping. It appeared that he would rip it open in defiance. The mother commenced a foot shuffling, grabbing competition for the Twinkie. For a while it was up in the air as to who would win. She finally grabbed it, but she didn’t win—neither did the boy. He was a bigger loser than either of them supposed. His was a character loss.
Since he knew that, due to her size, eventually it would be necessary to forfeit his spoils, he surrendered the Twinkie. But it was his bargaining chip. The mother was standing there holding the deformed Twinkie, looking exhausted, when he fired at her, “Then, let me have a Graham Cracker.” Seeing a way out, she paid the little extortionist his Graham Cracker and resumed her adult conversation. It was all in a day’s stress at the old home place.
He never actually expected to overpower his mother (though he will someday). He just wanted to express his anger at being denied personal indulgence. Furthermore, from past experiences he knew how to manipulate her into compliance. And you will note that this time his behavior was rewarded with a Graham Cracker. This mother had reinforced his ugly behavior pattern. As I have said, “All children are trained—some positively, some negatively.” She was training him to repeat this negative behavior.
Let’s look at this experience a little closer. She could have handled the situation by flying into a rage and spanking him for his lousy attitude and actions. He would have screamed and kicked to make her sorry for being such an “abusive, cruel mom.” She would have felt deeply defeated in spirit and, I hope, saddened by the condition of his soul. If she increased the spankings or their severity, he would be more cautious, but still angry and manipulative. Is this your situation? Have you “tried everything” and concluded that you just have a “strong-willed” child? Not so. You have neglected to properly train.
What of our Twinkie consumer? Keep in mind that his responses are a result of undisciplined desires for “things good for food.” He is living for self-gratification, and is angered when anything or anyone gets in his way. The issue is far bigger than that managing eating schedules. Our first concern is character development. The child may not be morally developed to the point of possessing the capability of making a value judgment and denying his flesh, but he can be conditioned to respond in a restrained way. If you do not condition him to get control of his passions now when he is young, he will be out of control long before he knows that he should exercise self-discipline. Her giving-in has trained him to repeat this and other similar undesirable actions.
